Tag Archives: milk


Parenting is a wild adventure. So how could another parent not feel the say as I? Wait? What? The hell am I talking about. I must be running a fever from all the drinking I do, due to parenting. Ha-ha. No, I’m kidding.

Listen, there is nothing easy about parenting. Ruling with an iron fist becomes very heavy, nah, all the time. I have one that runs up my pant leg, another one that lives in my wallet, and a third one that eats all the Colby jack shredded cheese. Anyway, parenting cannot be their children’s best friend. These children must understand place value, like math. At home, there’s a parent or parents. At school, there are friends and enemies; hopefully no enemies, but hey, they exist. Anyway, at home these three kids are relentless. They are never satisfied. No matter what they’ve just received: new phones, money, combo meals, etc, all of that shit, they still have the mind frame of “but dad, what have you done for us lately?”

It is in those moments, I jokingly wish I could say, “Get out my damn house! Take that lazy ass baby with you. Come back when your 40. If I still remember who you are.”

No, Im kidding. However, children bring out a part of you that is inherently a slice of yourself. So with that said, do I ever feel like I’m struggling with myself? Hell no, these fuckers are ruthless. I can’t even enjoy a bag of chips, a single bag of fruit snacks, or a glass of milk or juice, because I feel that if I ever plan on sampling the shit that my money buys, I’d better drink it as I’m backing into the garage. Otherwise, that shit is good as gone. They will stand around the snacks until that shit is gone. But then I ask, “Why don’t you assholes stand around the goddamn green beans and zucchini?” Oh, that’s right, because it don’t taste like fruit snacks, Nutter Butters cookies, or Cap’n Crunch cereal. Pardon my funny French, I only cuss in this medium as a means of emphasis.

Anyhow, Im going to test out the new Samsung fingerprint reader for the pantry and fridge. Hahah j/k

Grocery list

There was a time when I’d always take the kids with me to do grocery shopping. Don’t ask me why, either. In fact, there was a time when I didn’t even need a list to go to the grocery store. But since that point, I have. At first, I figured it was because I was getting older. But fuck that shit, yo. I use a list because everybody has a goddamn request, that’s in addition to the main grocery list. Plus I think the list is about efficiency. Meaning, I’ll begin a shopping list every Monday for the trip I’ll make the following Monday. However, there are random trips in between for things like bread, red grapes, milk – and for my black ass – cases and cases of brown whiskey. Ha-ha, no I’m kidding. I don’t drink that old man syrup.

Anyway, the reason why the kiddos no longer participate with me is simply because, they distract me from the important shit I have to get, like ass wipe and whiskey..I mean, FOOD.But back to that list thing for a moment. The list is just a safeguard for me because I have so much shit to think about. Grocery shopping isn’t a tiresome thing for me like it is for many others.

Now, I’m not saying I buy the same stuff for dinners every week; month in month out, but I generally know what I’m missing.

I remember going grocery shopping with my mom as a kid, and every once in a while, when I’m in town, I’ll ride with her to Safeway. Well one time not too long ago, I went shopping with her, and I realized where I got my shopping style. I was pushing the cart, the same way I’d done as a kid, and she was walking double time through that store, the same as I remembered in childhood. She knew where everything she needed was. It used to amaze me how she’d blow through those aisles, not missing or forgetting a single ingredient. Well that’s me now; except I bring a safeguard [read: checklist] just to make sure I don’t have to bring my black ass back in a day. The kids don’t ever ask to go either, they’ve grown wise to the game. They just have requests, yet they’ll text me if they need to amend their snack and beverage requests. The audacity, right?