Tag Archives: kids


Parenting is a wild adventure. So how could another parent not feel the say as I? Wait? What? The hell am I talking about. I must be running a fever from all the drinking I do, due to parenting. Ha-ha. No, I’m kidding.

Listen, there is nothing easy about parenting. Ruling with an iron fist becomes very heavy, nah, all the time. I have one that runs up my pant leg, another one that lives in my wallet, and a third one that eats all the Colby jack shredded cheese. Anyway, parenting cannot be their children’s best friend. These children must understand place value, like math. At home, there’s a parent or parents. At school, there are friends and enemies; hopefully no enemies, but hey, they exist. Anyway, at home these three kids are relentless. They are never satisfied. No matter what they’ve just received: new phones, money, combo meals, etc, all of that shit, they still have the mind frame of “but dad, what have you done for us lately?”

It is in those moments, I jokingly wish I could say, “Get out my damn house! Take that lazy ass baby with you. Come back when your 40. If I still remember who you are.”

No, Im kidding. However, children bring out a part of you that is inherently a slice of yourself. So with that said, do I ever feel like I’m struggling with myself? Hell no, these fuckers are ruthless. I can’t even enjoy a bag of chips, a single bag of fruit snacks, or a glass of milk or juice, because I feel that if I ever plan on sampling the shit that my money buys, I’d better drink it as I’m backing into the garage. Otherwise, that shit is good as gone. They will stand around the snacks until that shit is gone. But then I ask, “Why don’t you assholes stand around the goddamn green beans and zucchini?” Oh, that’s right, because it don’t taste like fruit snacks, Nutter Butters cookies, or Cap’n Crunch cereal. Pardon my funny French, I only cuss in this medium as a means of emphasis.

Anyhow, Im going to test out the new Samsung fingerprint reader for the pantry and fridge. Hahah j/k


Listen here. There are days where I will do the chores that I’ve delegated to the older two kids. Usually days where they’ve got alot of homework or some other pressing thing to do. I’ll give them a break on holidays and birthdays. Even some weekends I’ll cut them some slack and do the chores. But when they do something they know I don’t like, then they gotta pay the price for it. Or even better; when they don’t do something I’ve told them to do.

Now, I understand that kids will forget to do something, and I get it, but the understanding is in the lesson, and I always make certain that they will learn it. Seems to me, kids think chores are just something they have to do. But actually, it’s so much more than that. Cleaning, if you ask me, is about attention to detail. It’s about time management. It’s about taking care of things. It’s about organization. It’s about inventory and being prepared to take on a necessary task. It’s also presentation, and as I constantly explain to my older two, chores are practical functions in and outside the home.

If I don’t teach them, who will.? My kids like to cut corners, and then quickly try to get out of dodge before I take notice. All that does is waste more of their time because I’ll just call them back to wherever they just left, and instead of telling them what they forgot to do, I’ll just say something like, “You know you aren’t done, right?”

They’ll look at me like I’m shit on a hot sidewalk, and I’ll look at them like, “We can do this all weekend.”

They’ll act like they can’t see bread crumbs on the floor, or that the damn trash needs to go out, or even better, the damn counters haven’t been wiped down. And that’s just in the kitchen…

So, even though it might be something small that they didn’t do, or forgot to do, hopefully they’ll figure it all out, and see that it’s not just about the effort of cleaning in and of itself; but all about them and a developing a work ethic.

As for Zoie, the four year old. She has chores, too. “Pick up all these crayons, paper, beads. Oh and that empty bag of crackers. She gets in on the cleaning action, too.

I’m far from a drill instructor, but I do expect some cleanliness. Once they’ve handled their business, then the rest of the day is all theirs.



Alright, so here’s my deal. I like animals and all, but I’ve never had a desire to own one. It just isn’t me. But like I said, I don’t mind them. There’s a reason why I’m talking about this. Cameron and Alexandra wanted a pet, as all kids do, I imagine. I was totally against the idea, and here’s why:

Cats will claw your good furniture, shed hair every-damn-where, claw the carpet, throw up hairballs, and if you’re not lucky, they’ll urinate anywhere but the litterbox, which is designated for them. Fortunately, I don’t have the issue of this cat relieving himself anywhere but the litter box.

Let me formally introduce you guys to this damn cat. His name is Nermal. They named him after the Garfield character. Now this cat was okay when he was a little dude. Back when he couldn’t meow loud enough and didn’t walk around like he’d won the Annual Big Dick contest ten years in a goddamn row. So I admit, I guess I was kind of fond of the calico fucker early on. But now, he just stays in Lexie’s room (that’s Alexandra’s nickname).

Alexandra and Cameron both try to get out of cleaning the litter box, and re-filling his food and water bowls. Mostly Cameron though. For him, I think it’s an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing since Nermal lives in her closet or under her bed. He doesn’t even look out the damn window. I wonder if I opened the window, would he go explore the wild blue and green yonder….far far far away.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. When they brought the cat home from their mom’s friend’s house..mind you..without my expressed permission, I felt like I was put on the spot. They were all, “Please, please dad. Please. We’ll take care of him, etc, etc, etc.” I was still reluctant, but what the hell, whatever.

Five years later, they still can’t get on a systematic schedule of cleaning the litterbox once or twice a day. That was my biggest stipulation. I didn’t – still don’t – want to ever smell the scent of a cat. They’ve done a good job of it, too. But every now and then, I’ll go into Lexie’s room, and look to see if her and Cameron are on their pet detail.

Good job, kiddos.

Late Night

“Yo Cameron! It’s time to get up man. What time did you go to bed last night?” I ask. He rolls over and looks at me, and says, “Around two o’clock. I was up late.”

“Well, it’s almost noon, dude. You’ve gotta get up and make something of the day.”

“C’mon dad, it’s Saturday. Why can’t I just sleep all day?”

I’m still standing in his doorway, waiting for him to scratch his ass and get. I tell him the reason he can’t sleep all day, is because he has chores and he has to participate in them. It’s a beautiful day to spend effectively. When I was a kid, every though we stayed up late, we still got up no later than eight or nine. Not because we had to, but because it was Saturday, and me and my brothers wanted to get our allowance and our basketballs or footballs, run down to the corner store and buy some candy, soda, and chips. We’d get into our day and use it all up. There wasn’t a second lost in our weekends. The last place we wanted to be was in our rooms. We couldn’t wait to go outside. Outside! Can you imagine that? These kids nowadays think outside is punishment. Outside is where the adventure is.

The reason he tries to sleep in like this is because he sits on his ass playing PS4 all night Friday, after school, after his homework, after his chores. So I told him that if he couldn’t get up at a decent time, then maybe I’ll just have to enforce an earlier bedtime.

I’m so passionate about this. There’s no way in hell, he’s going to lay around like he’s worked a 12-hour shift. I don’t care if it’s Christmas Break, and school doesn’t begin for another two weeks. The way I see teenagers is very simple: Everything is habit forming, and falling out of a regular sleep schedule is just not good. Too much sleep makes you tired. I have an older cousin that used to sleep in until two o’clock when we were kids. The grown folks would wake his ass up, and he’d have a shitty attitude..we were like eleven and twelve years old. It would literally take him the rest of the day to bounce back from his twelve hour sleep pattern. He’d have endless headaches, backaches. He was sluggish. It was just ridiculous how this dude moved around like an old man. The rest of us youngsters, had already been up since seven or eight, had breakfast, been outside, etc.

I remember that stuff like it was yesterday, and I’ll be damned if I let Cameron fall into a crappy sleep schedule. So recently, on Friday nights I’ve been telling him, “Listen, if you can’t handle getting up at a decent time on the weekends, mainly Saturday, then you better go to bed at a decent time. You don’t work a 9-5, so you better set that alarm on your phone to something like eight or nine. Don’t sleep later than that. You’re a young dude, get outdoors with your basketball. Go running, get that exercise in. You can take a nap in the afternoon, but you need to be up. Don’t become lazy.”

Now, sometimes, I feel I come down on him a bit too hard. But who’s going to teach him these things. Who’s going to teach him about ambition, fitness, responsibility, etc? Who’s going to take the time out to give him advice and perspective? Nobody. It’s a father’s job and responsibility to lay heavy perspective on his kids, especially the boys. I’m not saying a mother can’t. I’m only saying that a man must instill the jewels of ethic, time management, decision making, and PERSPECTIVE in his children.

Episode 2 – Sneaking Soda

Let me say this here. I provide for my three kids. I give them what they need and what they want, even though they act like they don’t know the difference between the two. Now Cameron is the oldest, that’s my son, he’s fifteen. Lexie/Alexandra is the second oldest. She’s twelve, and finally, the other one.., that’s her name. The Other One. I’m kidding, her name is ZOE. I spell it ZOIE, but her indifferent mother spells it ZOE.

Anyway, this is some funny shit.

My son- well-he only comes out of his room to eat and to ask for money. Oh, and eat some more. Well the other day, he comes out of his cocoon to refuel between hours and hours of PS4, and I’m assuming he must’ve thought I wasn’t home, or I was in the room, but more generally, not in the immediate area to witness his teenager-ism, because I don’t believe he’d be so bold to do what I’m about to tell you all.

Now you may not think it’s a big deal, but when I explain this shit you’ll understand the greater potential of this behavior.

Alright, so I go into the kitchen to load my dinner plate into the dishwasher. I told Cameron to put a power pack in the washer and start the dishes. Well I go back into my room for a quick minute. In that short amount of time, he’d gone into the garage and come back in, and started small talk with me. Now I know he’s up to something now. The trash was still sitting there, full as shit. SO I know he didn’t take the trash out. I didn’t mention it yet. So I let this comedy run it course.

He heads to the bathroom, I’m slightly watching him, and as he turns the corner going into the bathroom, he turns his head back at me. I’m assuming it was to see if I was still there or –in his teenage frame of mind- gone about my goddamn business. But I am still there; with total awareness of this rooster, that is my son.

So I’m sitting there in the kitchen, and I hear the tab break on one of my goddamn 7-ups. I’m certain now, no longer guessing as to what he’s up to.

He’d snuck a can of soda.

The shit was funny to me. I wasn’t gonna bust his ass too much, because it was just that funny.

He comes out the bathroom, without the empty can, and looks at me like I shouldn’t still be sitting in the kitchen….

Season 1: Episode 2

Episode 4 – A Fathers Role

You know I’ve been a hands on father since day one. I am my children’s biggest fan, you understand. We fathers out here – we who’re involved in every facet of our children’s lives –that’s everything from love, discipline, chores, homework, doing hair, buying clothes- know that the job doesn’t have a stop and start time. It’s going to appointments, giving allowances, and rewards.

There isn’t a time clock to punch, or direct deposit, and certainly no promotions. Where we fathers receive payment, is when our children bring home good grades, and understand the rules.

The rules aren’t in place to make them weak, but to show them that they will not grow up wild as weeds.  We teach them right from wrong so that they will know right from wrong and make the effort to stay out of trouble.

Our role is to show them what’s necessary to make good decisions and use solid judgment. We fathers are here to teach them a healthy respect for each other, in and away from home, as well as towards others.

No one else is going to look after our kids but us. Hands on fathers know this one thing: I’ll be damned if another man raises my child or children. This is what we are cemented to.

I mean there’s no way in hell I could stand by and let some other cat raise all that is mine. So this requires much commitment on our parts as fathers.

How the hell can we as fathers be available to our children when we’re out at the bars carrying on like we don’t need to make ourselves available when it matters?

How can we play a vital role if we aren’t around? We’re around because that is what we choose, and is what our kids expect

Season 1: Episode 4

Episode 10 – Sweat It Out

Alright so, man, I woke up this morning feeling like I was coming down with something. My throat wasn’t right. It felt sore and scratchy. You know what I mean. The morning thing where your head feels cloudy. I realized that I’d left the bedroom window open, and I was sucking in all that cold midnight air. Well, after I got out the shower, it became a normal morning. I didn’t feel like I was getting sick.

But I want to talk about when I do get sick, which only seems to happen twice a year. Been that way my whole life. It’ll happen in June- I’ll get sick for a few days, and in November, like a week before Thanksgiving. Never fails.

Now, I notice that many people will just lay down when they get sick. I mean they don’t do anything about it, other than take Tylenol cold medicine or Nyquil/Dayquil combination. And that’s it. Eat some soup, just marinate in that situation and let that bug run its course. I think that’s just ridiculous.

I’ve always rested for a day once the flu bug has set up shop and gave me all the business. I’ll actually rest for one whole day. I won’t do anything. I mean, I’ll make myself eat something and drink a bunch of water. But on the second day, I’m up taking sheets off beds, spraying disinfectant, scrubbing everything, doing whatever laundry there is to do. Wiping stuff down; you know remotes, light switches, fridge handles, faucets, door handles, microwave buttons, phone chargers cabinets, the backs of chairs, house phones, cellphones, drawstrings to the blinds, countertops, toilet handles…you get my point. Everything that gets use, video game controllers, anything.

But I also take a vitamin or two. The main one is Zinc, yeah I like Vitamin C, too. But I’ll take a Zinc tablet once a day for a couple days. But I’ve also taken Cod Liver Oil gelcaps for years. Even if I get whatever the kids bring home from school, it’s really just feels like a 24hr bug or a passing allergy. However they’ll go through the motions. I mean whatever they came into contact at school hangs onto their asses for like a week. And check this out, I’ll be around them, might accidentally drink from one of their used cups, not realizing that “oh shit, one of you just drank from this cup.” These kids will breathe on me and everything, but I don’t get much more than a quick stuffy nose…and I’m wondering if it’s just a bit of pollen in the air. Its interesting stuff because I’m so hands on with them, that they can’t figure out how I don’t get sick, too.

With that said, I’m not big on over the counter medicines. I’m not knocking them, I just prefer alternatives. Even with a rare headache I’ll just ride it out and drink alot of water.

That’s just me though. I don’t want you guys to email me asking what the benefits of some other vitamin or spice is, because I’m no holistic treatment provider or otherwise, I’m only speaking about me.

SO I would tell you guys, if you have it in yourselves, when you’ve fallen under the weather next time, to rest for a while, then get on your feet, take a shower and clean house, and don’t forget your zinc and cod liver oil.