Long Showers

I don’t know how it didn’t occur to me that Cameron’s showers are long for a reason. Long showers, for real. Well hold on, let me clear this up. I don’t have the slightest clue as to what my son could possibly be doing in the shower so long that the goddamn water heater has run out of hot water. When I say hot water, I mean, you can’t turn the shower further than the two o’clock position before it feels like the water temperature is being powered by hot lava. A brand new bar of soap-right out the little box it comes in-is weathered down to a sliver. This is in one shower period.

But then it occurred to me that evolution is occurring in him. Shit! He’s fifteen years old, damn near sixteen. Male biology says it’s time to relieve some of that pressure that’s been building up. Testosterone is occurring everywhere. So I had a talk with him about ‘nature’. I said, “Just make sure you wash your hands before you leave the bathroom, and don’t be firing up no cigarettes after self-service. And please, don’t bring no babies home. In fact, don’t even carry on like you’re grown.” I mentioned some other things, too.

I noticed he was taking these long showers, pardon me; long ass showers around thirteen, but I was on a different thought pattern. I was thinking along the lines of wasted water going down the drain, because I could hear him in the shower rapping and singing “One Republic” songs. So I’d knock on the door, and ask him, rather, tell him to get out if he’s done. Never realizing that he’s likely reached puberty. Shame on me, for probably interfering with his shower processes.

Now even with that said, I still don’t like all my damn hot water running down the drain. I told him a story about my grandfather and my uncles when they were kids. Well one of my uncles told that their father –my grandfather- would shut the water off outside if they were in the shower longer than five minutes. Now, I know I can be strict or whatever, but damn, being forced to wash up and be out of the shower in under five minutes is just crazy. Whether soaped up or not, when that five minute mark hit, the water line to the house was shut off and my uncles had to dry off. That’s an unusual way of parenting. Cameron’s showers are usually twenty minutes.

I even told him one day that women are the only people who need to take extremely long showers. A man can be in and out of a hot shower in ten minutes. But that was just some food for thought –for him-if ever he felt he needed to take a shower longer than twenty to thirty minutes. I can see that he doesn’t need to shave; still in the peach fuzz zone. His hair isn’t that long; but he does need a trim up. So I reason his long showers are due to evolution and pressure relieve.

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