Alright, so here’s my deal. I like animals and all, but I’ve never had a desire to own one. It just isn’t me. But like I said, I don’t mind them. There’s a reason why I’m talking about this. Cameron and Alexandra wanted a pet, as all kids do, I imagine. I was totally against the idea, and here’s why:

Cats will claw your good furniture, shed hair every-damn-where, claw the carpet, throw up hairballs, and if you’re not lucky, they’ll urinate anywhere but the litterbox, which is designated for them. Fortunately, I don’t have the issue of this cat relieving himself anywhere but the litter box.

Let me formally introduce you guys to this damn cat. His name is Nermal. They named him after the Garfield character. Now this cat was okay when he was a little dude. Back when he couldn’t meow loud enough and didn’t walk around like he’d won the Annual Big Dick contest ten years in a goddamn row. So I admit, I guess I was kind of fond of the calico fucker early on. But now, he just stays in Lexie’s room (that’s Alexandra’s nickname).

Alexandra and Cameron both try to get out of cleaning the litter box, and re-filling his food and water bowls. Mostly Cameron though. For him, I think it’s an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing since Nermal lives in her closet or under her bed. He doesn’t even look out the damn window. I wonder if I opened the window, would he go explore the wild blue and green yonder….far far far away.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. When they brought the cat home from their mom’s friend’s house..mind you..without my expressed permission, I felt like I was put on the spot. They were all, “Please, please dad. Please. We’ll take care of him, etc, etc, etc.” I was still reluctant, but what the hell, whatever.

Five years later, they still can’t get on a systematic schedule of cleaning the litterbox once or twice a day. That was my biggest stipulation. I didn’t – still don’t – want to ever smell the scent of a cat. They’ve done a good job of it, too. But every now and then, I’ll go into Lexie’s room, and look to see if her and Cameron are on their pet detail.

Good job, kiddos.

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